Not a lot of people know this. But i seldom go out of the house. People will probably try to pathologize or offer a quasi-clinical diagnosis for this. But i simply want peace and quiet most times. And as simple as it is, people sometimes have a hard time believing it.
I can be categorized as a functional extrovert. But i am a real recluse personally. Ahmie tells me to go out frequently and is happy that at times my sister prods me to go grocery shopping or to buy something. I think she is worried about my well-being as i am always just reading, listening to music or researching about something. Recently though, i have taken to playing the guitar again.
Still these are all private pursuits. Not that i am depressed or anything. I get sad sometimes though, which i think normal when you miss someone. But really – i just want to be in the house. It’s been quite sometime since i ventured to accept invitations for get-togethers, parties, and those other things. I just don’t feel like it. I think it’s largely because past work has made me so tired both physically and emotionally that i simply decided to just kick back and allow myself to do things i really want to do.
I’m thinking to just go into consulting and facilitate short-courses to enable me to have something to do outside of the house. At least it is my time and my terms. The thing about all this though is that i am enjoying it well enough not to be bothered. Like it is something bordering on a personal quest. Other people travel to know themselves. Me? I think the art of keeping still is travelling inwards like learning to cook, reading complicated guitar tabs, reading college textbooks, doing calculus and all those things. It is not esoteric. And i do not claim that i am being yogish. I just want to reclaim my own personal space.
Sometimes there are simple reasons for being quiet. This is one of them.
Although i can’t wait for September 17 to arrive. :p